Morning

I woke up in darkness
Surrounded by silence
Oh where, where have I gone?
I woke to reality
Losing its grip on me
Oh where, where have I gone?

(O Lord, how my adversaries have increased!
Many are rising up again me.
Many are saying of my soul,
“There is no deliverance for him in God.)

Cause I can see the light
before I see the sunrise

(“But You, O Lord, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.”)

You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

(“I was crying to the Lord with my voice,
And He answered me from His holy mountain.”)

You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

(“I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people
Who have set themselves
Against me round about.”)

Late have I loved you,
you waited for me,
I searched for you…
what took me so long?

I was looking outside
as a love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong

(“Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God!
For you have smitten all my enemies on the cheek;
You have shattered the teeth of the wicked.”)

Cause I can feel the wind
before it hits my skin

You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!

(“Salvation belongs to the Lord;
Your blessing be upon Your people!”)

“Alive Again” – Matt Maher
Psalm 3 – King David

TULIP

Ok, so hopefully my more substantial post which I began this morning will make it to the press soon, but until then…enjoy!

(P.S. It was amazing how many affirmative fist-pumps, head-nods, and chuckles of agreement came out of me during this…)

The Last Hoorah

It is hard to believe that I am actually finally at the place where I have been trying to get for over ten years.  My brain is still trying to capture the reality and excitement of the phrase “I am in veterinary medicine school!”.  We have gone through the coating ceremony:

And the C.O.P.E. Course (Challenging Outdoor Personal Experience) @ Camp Seminole:

Both of which gave me the opportunity to get to know my classmate, and in a few words…THEY ROCK!!!  My MDL (multi-discipline lab) group is awesome and I have a feeling we’re going to have great fun (probably too much) over the next year (despite the fact that two of them are Ohio State Buckeyes fans…we shall forgive them…eventually).

So today, on this first Saturday as a vet student, I urge you be warned.  This is probably the last Saturday post that will be as long and detailed as this one, as from here on out my days will be filled with classes and work and studying and general disarray.  So farewell, and hope to see you on the other side.

(Almost) Dr. Beck

This Is What Befalls When Tiff’s Brain Becomes Bored…

Today’s Saturday Sluggishness has become more serious than first supposed.

I have reason to believe it is due to my being up before 8 o’clock in order to roll on over to a rummage sale and ruefully buy a ridiculously cheap router.

Mistake.

Saturdays are made for blithely bathing in blissful beauty sleep until woken by the wafting odors of wondrous waffles.

Then, after selfishly stuffing one’s stomach,

occupying oneself with an outdoor occupation such as mowing a lawn, painting a door, or taking a dog/child to the park.

Break this tradition, and time trails on like a tuckered-out terrier with too much tonnage on its tongue.

Haha…So, what do you do when the deleterious day deems to drag on in determined depression?

The Way Back Down

After returning home from a two-month-long employment at Summit Ministries in Manitou Springs, Colorado, I have concluded that life sucks.  Okay, that may be a slight overreaction, but in all seriousness, I had forgotten how hard it is to leave this:

…and come home to this:

There are so many carnal, materialistic and ultimately futile things that demand my attention and time here at home, that I would give almost anything to spend just one day back at Summit, where the day is filled to overflowing with study, meditation, prayer, fellowship, hard work, worship, and mentoring.  The temporal is nothing; the eternal is everything. I think I can understand more fully now why the life of a monastery was so appealing to so many believers in the 3rd and 4th centuries; it gave them a glimpse of the kind of life God had planned for His divine creature, one that will be fulfilled in the New Creation.  Such a life removed most, if not all, worldly obstacles, leaving the man able to fully glorify God with the emotions of his heart, the sharpness of his mind, and the strength of his body.

In the same way, Summit provides such an atmosphere of shelter and spiritual cultivation.  In this place, spiritual discipline is the norm.  It’s a community of hard workers, of Barnabas’, of children of grace, daily dying to their flesh and living in the redemption of Christ’s cross.  Now more than ever I have been shown the importance of community among believers.  How else can we expect to be challenged? to delve into the nitty-gritty of the gospel? to chase our roots deep into the mulch of the things of God? to wrestle with the mysteries and drink deep of the discoveries? to bear fruit for the nourishment of others, and point to God as the source of everything good and true in ourselves?

So, to all of you who find yourselves slowly being cut off from the community of little-Christs around you, whether through discord or disagreement or distance, I challenge you to not let the “lone ranger” mentality stunt your growth as a part of the body of Jesus.  Find a community wherever you are and start serving!  And if the group you find has problems?  Change it!  Revivals aren’t begun by drifters, but by earth-shakers and wave-makers.  Be a champion of the truth so we can start taking back this land for Christ!

Dive Deep. Drown Willingly.

Friendship is…

Laughing with each other…at each other…

Seeing them do something stupid…and deciding to love them not in spite of it, but because of it.

Going off the beaten trail together.

Passing the time together by inventing things such as the “Orange of Truth” (Laura…)

Summit Staff Team #1, Summer 2009

It has been an honor and a privilege eating, working, living. laughing, crying and serving with these precious citizens of the kingdom of heaven.  Most would be supremely blessed to have interacted with one such individual in their lifetimes.  May we all go out from Summit with a renewed sense of our purpose here on Earth and a deeper comprehension of the redemption of Christ and of the power of the Truth.

*Bon Voyage*
*Auf Wedersehen*
*Remember the Alamo!*

*God Bless You*
*God Bless The Summit*
*God Bless America*

Selfishness and the Single’s Heart

I met my youth pastor and his wife and darling daughter for lunch today in Colorado Springs.  I have to admit, I was very nervous at first.  Since he moved to Wyoming over three years ago we hadn’t seen or even talked to each other at all.  Add that to the fact that I am naturally very reserved and apprehensive when meeting someone just to “catch up”.  I alwasy obsess over what we should talk about, or if I’ll be a pleasant companion, or if there will be any awkward moments when we find ourselves sitting there in silence, wondering what to say next.  Fortunately, none of my fears were confirmed.

Jay just has a natural ability to draw people out of themselves, to converse with no fear of rejection, to be honest and have a genuine conversation – even if we haven’t been involved in each other’s lives for an extended period of time.  Case in point: within thirty minutes of meeting we were discussing the finer points of Calvinism and Armenianism!  All in a friendly, conversant attitude that was focused more on sharing our knowledge and love of the Scriptures rather than vying for the theological high ground.

Of course, one of the things  Jay was most curious about was my fairly new (at least from his perspective) relationship with my boyfriend, Daniel.  On the drive back to Manitou Springs, I was able to really glean some insight and wisdom from him on the importance of being picky in my choice of a mate.  After all, this is the person with whom I will be spending the next 70+ years!

Singleness is the only stage of life where selfishness is a virtue.  One should strive to find a spouse who fulfills as many requirements as possible, who is anything she’s ever hoped for in a life-partner, who will be able to have fun with her, to do the things that will give both her and him joy.  For example, she shouldn’t want him to snowboard just because he knows that she loves to snowboard, but rather he will snowboard because they share a love of the sport!  Otherwise, he would be left in a cast and her in tears.

There are three areas, he said, where it is of the utmost importance to make sure two people are as compatible as possible.  One is spiritually.  If the pair cannot agree on the essentials of Christian doctrine, there will definitely be some tension.  Even in the nonessentials, it is important to try and find someone who is fairly similar in beliefs, although iron sharpening iron is also a good thing.  The second area is emotionally.  Does the pair share favorite hobbies, interest, and passions?  Do they like to do the same things, and can they understand each other on an emotional level?  Thirdly is physically.  One should be able to look at her potential mate and be absolutely certain that he is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen and that she would never want to be with any other person for the rest of her life.  The danger of not satisfying these three areas is if she settles for a partner, with full knowledge that in one or more of these areas there are severe differences in constitution between the two of them, then they are surely guaranteed a difficult marriage.  A marriage that will be full of nasty compromise, bitter resentment, and unfulfilled longings.  I think we have all witnessed this in the marriages of friends and family members – the happiest marriages are those where the husband and wife have the most things in common.  At the end of our “relationship” conversation, Jay passed on a quote that he had heard from an old friend:

“It is better to be single and want to be married, than to be married and want to be single; because you can’t do anything about the second part.”

Sacrifices

Today I was faced with what can not be described any other way than as a catastrophe.  It involves a decision that will shape the next year (minimum) of my life.  I don’t want to spill any details simply because of the logistics of the issue, but I can say without a doubt that it is the most difficult personal moral situation I have ever encountered.  Some of you have experienced this, I’m sure.  You feel like your heart is being wrenched out of your chest; your mind is in a constant state of panic trying to find the reason of it all; you start to wonder why you’re even attempting this thing called life.

But then, a glimmer of hope arose.  My catastrophe can be avoided!  All I have to do is change one minor detail.  Just one number.  And all my problems are solved.  I can go on happily with my perfect God-blessed life.  What’s a little fudge in the whole scheme of things?  After all, they are the ones making an issue out of it.

I struggled and wrestled all day with whether or not  to go through with this “edit”.  I fought with Letter of the Law vs. Spirit of the Law.  I found hundreds of reasons to justify the lie, but none of them could get rid of the rock in my gut, the overwhelming sense of guilt that something was not quite right with this decision.

Well, I was running back from my martial arts class this evening, still in turmoil, when I happened to look up, and right in front of me, stretching from one end of the sky to the other, was the most beautiful, vibrant and full rainbow I have ever seen!  It wasn’t even raining, but there, plastered right in front of my face, was the eternal handprint of God.  And that got me thinking:

What was I really doing with this “fudging of the facts”?

I have asked and prayed and desired for God to be present and to bless me in all my endeavours throughout my entire life, and this rainbow was a sign of all those promises.  Yet is there a second half to the story?  True, God promises to never forsake us, and to always be our guide, and to take care of all our earthly needs…but…ONLY if we follow His commands and precepts.  ONLY if we give Him glory in all that we say and do and think.  ONLY!  I have become so intent on begging God to be present in all my decisions that I have forgotten that God will only bless that which is in accordance with His character!  I plan my life’s every step, pushing God to the wayside, but when it’s all laid out exactly how I think it should be, then I turn to Him and say, “Ok, God, could You come bless these plans now so I can be sure they won’t fail?”  Was I so foolish to think that God would bless all my activities simply because I belong to Him?  How could I take such advantage of that Grace?  It is an insult to the Gospel.

No, I can’t do it.  Anything done in and of myself is worth nothing and will never succeed.  I know that if I were to follow the path of the Lie, God would not go with me.  And that is more terrifying to me than any inconveniences this decision will most likely bring.  I know some people will probably think I am being really stupid and fundamentalist.  And you know what, even with not fudging that number, it could possibly work out (by a miracle of God, of course), but even if it doesn’t, I’m willing to face that possibility and to just move on with the knowledge that God has me exactly where He wants me.

So, yes, of course I’m still filled with sorrow.  Putting off your life career for yet another year is never an easy thing.  But I am also filled with peace and with a new sense of determination.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty,

I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust!

For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper,

And from the deadly pestilence

He will cover you with His pinions,

And under his wings you may seek refuge.

His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

You will not be afraid of the terror by night

Or of the arrow that flies by day;

Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,

Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.

A thousand may fall at your side

And ten thousand at your right hand,

But it shall not approach you.

You will only look on with your eyes,

And see the recompense of the wicked.

For you have made the Lord , my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place.

No evil will befall you,

Nor will any plague come near your tent.

For He will give His angels charge concerning you,

To guard you in all your ways.

They will bear you up in their hands,

That you do not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread upon the lion and cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.

‘Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.

He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.

With a long life I will satisfy him,

And let him see My salvation’.

The Recent Drought

I wanted to apologize to those (however few they may be) of my readers who have not heard from me in a long while.  Unfortunately, I cannot even give the excuse of having been too busy, as I am only taking 14 hours of classes and have been otherwise bored out of my wits.  So, I think I’ll run a “one-time only” Stats Suck Sunday Wednesday to bring everyone uptodate:

• The beginning of this month I was accepted to the College of Veterinary Medicine @ MSU (Class of 2013, baby!).  I am still looking at specializing in Equine Sports Medicine, but who knows how the market will be in four year.
• The past couple weeks I have been spending every spare moment researching and experimenting with curing and tanning some sheep pelts I acquired from my Meats Processing Lab (and yes, the class is just as it sounds).  Let’s just say flesh is stinky, chromium sulfate is hard to come by, and sulfuric acid smokes when you pour it into water.
• I eat 4 pounds of popcorn kernels every week.  Some say I have a problem.  I call it love for a cleaner colon.
• Summit Ministries apparently thought I didn’t screw up too many young peoples’ lives last summer and has asked me to come back on staff this summer for two months.
• My only misgiving about the above point is that I hope I’ll be able to do Colorado-type activities with my recurring patellar tendinitis.
• After witnessing my mother’s fantastic success with Weight Watchers, I decided to give it a go.  I’ve been on it for about two months now and have gained one pound.  Has anyone else had this problem?  Any ideas as to why this would be happening?

And there you have it.  I’ll try to make my postings a bit more regular.  Having said that, this means my postings will probably be a lot shorter and a lot less thought out than before, seeing as the major reason I post so scarcely is because I sit and muse and mull over a topic for three weeks trying to figure out how best to structure my arguments, and then either forget about it or get bored and frustrated.

Updates

Updated the content on my blog under all the Apologetic headings save for Secular Humanism.  It is rather dry right now, but I am planning on uploading more video and audio content as well as an expanded resources section.